Masturbation is underrated

For those of you who are squeamish about sexuality or prudish in any way, stop reading right now. This post is not for you, not today. For those of you who read the title and clapped your hands in delight, read on!

There are some things in life that only you can do the best. Like loading the dishwasher. Nobody can load the dishwasher in just the right pattern and sequence to maximize the cleaning efficacy. No one and no car wash can possibly get your car as clean as you can. You take the time. You care. It is the same with self pleasure.

If there be anyone among you has found some one to tickle your fancy better than your own self I want you to know I am profoundly jealous. ( If you brag about that in the comments I might learn to hate you, you lucky bastard.)

Back to the point at hand. ( Yeah I said it!) Masturbation is awesome. Why did they not sing it's praises in Health Education classes back in high school. I'm certain several unwanted pregnancies and frustrated teen fights could have been avoided in the general population if such a class had been taught. Seriously, have you ever wanted to have a fight after an orgasm?

Masturbation is totally free! The one joy in life that costs absolutely nothing. You don't even need to buy any special uniform or membership. The government doesn't tax it. It can't be stolen. It is portable and has no expiration date.

The natural happy chemicals that are released when you self pleasure are terrific for maintaining great health and happiness. They should really encourage every age group to celebrate self love. Not that you have to encourage toddlers they already know. It is true you have to kind of curb their enthusiasm for touching their privates in public, but instinctively they know how to have a good time.

It is kind of sad that physical pleasure somehow became a sin. I feel bad for you if you have mental programing that gives you guilt for making yourself feel good. I will never have to worry about that. I love it. My last dying words will not be, " I should have orgasmed more...*croak*"

Here is a list of people I think should play with themselves more-

Hassled Mothers
Politicians
Tech Support ( But not when they are working, ew.)
Conspiracy Theorists
All Religious leaders
Anti Anything Protesters ( In fact they should all masturbate just before they go to a rally to promote clear thinking.)
Walmart Checkers ( again, not while working.)
Octomom (Well, I guess that would fall under hassled mother.)
Couples who are fighting. ( They should just take a pleasure time out.)

Actually everybody should be on the list. Think of the calories that will be burned off. What an amazing tribute to peace and wellness it would be if we all could have a Jerk-Off Around the World Day. I'd buy that T-Shirt.

I know many will think I am silly and tacky. ( I am.) Let the genius of the idea grow on you. There is no more underrated act of self adoration than what I suggest. In your life there is nothing more centering and powerful than you loving who you are. Touching yourself and enjoying it is a part of that.