OCD and me

I'm insane. Just a little. Not Charlie Sheen weapons grade crazy but enough that I notice other people are really...together. I arrange the clothes in the closet by color. Specifically rainbow pattern.White, red, orange yellow, green .blue, violet, grey and black at the end.

It's a great disorder to have when you work in retail. When I worked in a clothing store I arranged the clothing so nicely. Still do it. I have to fight the urge not to arrange when I am shopping at Target. Target, what a nightmare. Crack monkeys would do a better job of straighting the racks. Why people are such slobs in the clothing racks it a mystery to me. Really?! Do they live like that at home? Respect the merchandise. I think it is a chick thing.

I have never been in an automotive store and found it messy, never. Sometimes the mens department in the big stores gets mussed , but nothing like the disaster that you find in the ladies area. What is up with that? Shoes too. Mens shoes are like tidy rows of little soldiers. Womens show isle, like crack whores after the party.

My only defense as to why I do what I do is that at least in some small part of my world I feel like I have control. Everything else may be beyond my ability to manage and guide, but the clothes in my closet are serenely organized.

Chaos, and other feelings about remodeling

The sleeping poodle under my bed awoke with a start. First banging his head on the supports and then barking in maniacal abandon at the door bell. The contractors were early. A day early in fact. No matter, When you want to have your bathrooms updated you surrender to anything just to get it finished.

"Good Morning! You just get up? Har,har har!" They stomp past me with their big boots in a cloud of cigarette smoke to attack the next phase of tiling.

I find a cup of tea and try to piece myself together as the day unfolds with banging and grinding of saws and alternate billows of gypsum dust  that come swirling down the hall way. I pause to wonder why the poodle adores these men. He fawns on them and grins a big doggy grin at them as they toil.

I walk passed the bent forms of contractors who are grouting away and try to avert my eyes at the twin ass cracks that smile up at me. This is my life and my landscape until the floors are done...

Confusing Love Messages

I adore Sweethearts candies. It is such a wonderful nostalgic feeling to tear open a familiar pink box of heart shaped candies. I really like to read the little love notes printed on them. The candies themselves aren't really yummy. Kind of reminiscent of dried toothpaste and grannies dinner mints really.

This year I tore open a box and found a few new sayings. " Friend Me" I guess it is a sign of the times. Net speak is pretty popular for Sweetheart logos." UR IT" Reading them made me feel kind of old. At least they taste better than I remember. They used to taste like chalk with powdered sugar.

I still like them. They evoke feelings of pure childlike tenderness and the untarnished belief in true love. Sadly, my box of candies reflected real life and like reality there were a few candies that had vague messages. Either the machine had missed the candy heart and printed just half a message or they were blurred out completely." ME" I guess that would be the narcissistic candy message.

I would like to invent a box of candy hearts that were funny. " Whatever" " U will Pay" " Mistake"" WHY"
I will buy them again next year and every Valentines after that because I still like to capture the flavour and sweetness of my childhood. I wish all of you Love.

Penis Donor

last night it was reported in the news a man was killed in an auto accident. It was not unusual that he was an organ donor. Many people are nowadays. It was unusual that all he requested donated was his penis. Yes, I laughed a little too, go ahead get it out of your system.

I wondered if that was the only part of himself that he wanted to live on. Was it because it was such a wonderful penis or because he never got a chance to use it? Who really wants a high mileage penis anyway?

I guess if you don't have one and you really, really need one it wouldn't matter if it was high mileage or not. I wondered also how long the wait list was for a slightly used penis.

There are some religions that believe if you have all your parts then you will be reincarnated. However, if you were missing parts then you would be coming back without them.If the ancient Egyptians were right on this deal that fellow would be coming back a eunuch. Think of all the folks that would come back just piles of ashes.

I have it as my final request that my body be donated to medical science. I believe in recycling all the way! I live a pretty clean life and hopefully my skin will be the skin for a burn victim, my eyes will help someone see the world and my bones be the skeleton for someone to be strong with.All of it. All of what once contained my soul is good to be used for any who need it after I'm toast.

Remodel Disillusion Phase

Where's my contractor! I should know better. I've seen this show before. I've read the horror stories. In the back of my mind I wonder if he just took the first check and has been E-mailing us from Vegas in a drunken stupor.

OK, I know it isn't that bad but I'm so impatient. It isn't the contractor's fault that we have a snowicain bizzaster. I have learned several new weather terms this last snow storm. Oh, but it isn't just a snow storm. We had a ground blizzard. We had wind chill factors that started with the adjective ugly. " An ugly -14, an ugly drifting snow, an ugly snowicain." My favorite is Snizzle. ( Snow/sleet/drizzle.) Good Lord.

Before I really freak out I need to embrace reality and know that the side streets are still impassable. Still, I wants my remodel. I wants it now.( *Gollem voice*) I may have to wait even longer now that another snowicain is queuing up to descend on Oklahoma.

I realize this is going to take time. I just want something concrete for the money we already ponied up. Ya know?

Guess Again

I'm peri- menopausal and I still get my periods complete with acne. I have cramps and hot flashes. My hair is turning salt and pepper and I still go straight to the electronic games section of the store to see if any cool new games have come out. I have been and always will be a teenage boy trapped in an aging housewife's body.

Right when I think I have figured it all out, life says, " guess again!" So now what. My kid has been living on his own for a while now. I'm still a little boy inside. This Summer I built a wood ladder bridge to take my new bike over. ( I sent myself into the trees.) I did it because the teenage boy in my head thought it was going to be awesome. ( I tore a hole in the butt of my bike pants.)

I should be a classy MILF that does community service and volunteers at the local church. I'm not. My New Years resolution is to go skinny dipping as often as I can get away with it. I should do older Mom stuff like quilt or write a helpful blog. ( Almost.) Mostly I fantasize about taking lazy road trips with my Hubby, eating junk food and reading trashy novels in between theme parks.( I'm sure my folks are proud.)

I think I do what will be fun. Sometimes it is thrilling and wonderful and sometimes you rip a hole in the butt of your bike pants. I want to build a tree house in my back yard. My Hubby says," guess again."

Confessions of a Travian Addict

Like any addiction it started out as a little fun experimenting. I clicked out of curiosity and then got completely sucked into the free online game lifestyle. Let me be a warning to those who think they can dabble in a little online diversion. Chat forums are just a gateway drug to online gaming!

Now I go to sleep thinking about my strategy for the next morning. I message my online buddies to coordinate attacks and defenses. I message my enemies trying to negotiate tributes instead of full frontal attacks. My husband calls me to say hi and I shriek " I'm being raided by Romans!" He is very sympathetic.

I did my first raid today and killed my troop in the process. I'm beginning to suspect that I may need to join a nerd 12 step. My god, I'm still in my pajamas and it is lunch time. There is no time to do laundry I have to upgrade my iron mines!