I adore Sweethearts candies. It is such a wonderful nostalgic feeling to tear open a familiar pink box of heart shaped candies. I really like to read the little love notes printed on them. The candies themselves aren't really yummy. Kind of reminiscent of dried toothpaste and grannies dinner mints really.
This year I tore open a box and found a few new sayings. " Friend Me" I guess it is a sign of the times. Net speak is pretty popular for Sweetheart logos." UR IT" Reading them made me feel kind of old. At least they taste better than I remember. They used to taste like chalk with powdered sugar.
I still like them. They evoke feelings of pure childlike tenderness and the untarnished belief in true love. Sadly, my box of candies reflected real life and like reality there were a few candies that had vague messages. Either the machine had missed the candy heart and printed just half a message or they were blurred out completely." ME" I guess that would be the narcissistic candy message.
I would like to invent a box of candy hearts that were funny. " Whatever" " U will Pay" " Mistake"" WHY"
I will buy them again next year and every Valentines after that because I still like to capture the flavour and sweetness of my childhood. I wish all of you Love.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Penis Donor
last night it was reported in the news a man was killed in an auto accident. It was not unusual that he was an organ donor. Many people are nowadays. It was unusual that all he requested donated was his penis. Yes, I laughed a little too, go ahead get it out of your system.
I wondered if that was the only part of himself that he wanted to live on. Was it because it was such a wonderful penis or because he never got a chance to use it? Who really wants a high mileage penis anyway?
I guess if you don't have one and you really, really need one it wouldn't matter if it was high mileage or not. I wondered also how long the wait list was for a slightly used penis.
There are some religions that believe if you have all your parts then you will be reincarnated. However, if you were missing parts then you would be coming back without them.If the ancient Egyptians were right on this deal that fellow would be coming back a eunuch. Think of all the folks that would come back just piles of ashes.
I have it as my final request that my body be donated to medical science. I believe in recycling all the way! I live a pretty clean life and hopefully my skin will be the skin for a burn victim, my eyes will help someone see the world and my bones be the skeleton for someone to be strong with.All of it. All of what once contained my soul is good to be used for any who need it after I'm toast.
I wondered if that was the only part of himself that he wanted to live on. Was it because it was such a wonderful penis or because he never got a chance to use it? Who really wants a high mileage penis anyway?
I guess if you don't have one and you really, really need one it wouldn't matter if it was high mileage or not. I wondered also how long the wait list was for a slightly used penis.
There are some religions that believe if you have all your parts then you will be reincarnated. However, if you were missing parts then you would be coming back without them.If the ancient Egyptians were right on this deal that fellow would be coming back a eunuch. Think of all the folks that would come back just piles of ashes.
I have it as my final request that my body be donated to medical science. I believe in recycling all the way! I live a pretty clean life and hopefully my skin will be the skin for a burn victim, my eyes will help someone see the world and my bones be the skeleton for someone to be strong with.All of it. All of what once contained my soul is good to be used for any who need it after I'm toast.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Remodel Disillusion Phase
Where's my contractor! I should know better. I've seen this show before. I've read the horror stories. In the back of my mind I wonder if he just took the first check and has been E-mailing us from Vegas in a drunken stupor.
OK, I know it isn't that bad but I'm so impatient. It isn't the contractor's fault that we have a snowicain bizzaster. I have learned several new weather terms this last snow storm. Oh, but it isn't just a snow storm. We had a ground blizzard. We had wind chill factors that started with the adjective ugly. " An ugly -14, an ugly drifting snow, an ugly snowicain." My favorite is Snizzle. ( Snow/sleet/drizzle.) Good Lord.
Before I really freak out I need to embrace reality and know that the side streets are still impassable. Still, I wants my remodel. I wants it now.( *Gollem voice*) I may have to wait even longer now that another snowicain is queuing up to descend on Oklahoma.
I realize this is going to take time. I just want something concrete for the money we already ponied up. Ya know?
OK, I know it isn't that bad but I'm so impatient. It isn't the contractor's fault that we have a snowicain bizzaster. I have learned several new weather terms this last snow storm. Oh, but it isn't just a snow storm. We had a ground blizzard. We had wind chill factors that started with the adjective ugly. " An ugly -14, an ugly drifting snow, an ugly snowicain." My favorite is Snizzle. ( Snow/sleet/drizzle.) Good Lord.
Before I really freak out I need to embrace reality and know that the side streets are still impassable. Still, I wants my remodel. I wants it now.( *Gollem voice*) I may have to wait even longer now that another snowicain is queuing up to descend on Oklahoma.
I realize this is going to take time. I just want something concrete for the money we already ponied up. Ya know?
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Guess Again
I'm peri- menopausal and I still get my periods complete with acne. I have cramps and hot flashes. My hair is turning salt and pepper and I still go straight to the electronic games section of the store to see if any cool new games have come out. I have been and always will be a teenage boy trapped in an aging housewife's body.
Right when I think I have figured it all out, life says, " guess again!" So now what. My kid has been living on his own for a while now. I'm still a little boy inside. This Summer I built a wood ladder bridge to take my new bike over. ( I sent myself into the trees.) I did it because the teenage boy in my head thought it was going to be awesome. ( I tore a hole in the butt of my bike pants.)
I should be a classy MILF that does community service and volunteers at the local church. I'm not. My New Years resolution is to go skinny dipping as often as I can get away with it. I should do older Mom stuff like quilt or write a helpful blog. ( Almost.) Mostly I fantasize about taking lazy road trips with my Hubby, eating junk food and reading trashy novels in between theme parks.( I'm sure my folks are proud.)
I think I do what will be fun. Sometimes it is thrilling and wonderful and sometimes you rip a hole in the butt of your bike pants. I want to build a tree house in my back yard. My Hubby says," guess again."
Right when I think I have figured it all out, life says, " guess again!" So now what. My kid has been living on his own for a while now. I'm still a little boy inside. This Summer I built a wood ladder bridge to take my new bike over. ( I sent myself into the trees.) I did it because the teenage boy in my head thought it was going to be awesome. ( I tore a hole in the butt of my bike pants.)
I should be a classy MILF that does community service and volunteers at the local church. I'm not. My New Years resolution is to go skinny dipping as often as I can get away with it. I should do older Mom stuff like quilt or write a helpful blog. ( Almost.) Mostly I fantasize about taking lazy road trips with my Hubby, eating junk food and reading trashy novels in between theme parks.( I'm sure my folks are proud.)
I think I do what will be fun. Sometimes it is thrilling and wonderful and sometimes you rip a hole in the butt of your bike pants. I want to build a tree house in my back yard. My Hubby says," guess again."
Friday, January 21, 2011
Confessions of a Travian Addict
Like any addiction it started out as a little fun experimenting. I clicked out of curiosity and then got completely sucked into the free online game lifestyle. Let me be a warning to those who think they can dabble in a little online diversion. Chat forums are just a gateway drug to online gaming!
Now I go to sleep thinking about my strategy for the next morning. I message my online buddies to coordinate attacks and defenses. I message my enemies trying to negotiate tributes instead of full frontal attacks. My husband calls me to say hi and I shriek " I'm being raided by Romans!" He is very sympathetic.
I did my first raid today and killed my troop in the process. I'm beginning to suspect that I may need to join a nerd 12 step. My god, I'm still in my pajamas and it is lunch time. There is no time to do laundry I have to upgrade my iron mines!
Now I go to sleep thinking about my strategy for the next morning. I message my online buddies to coordinate attacks and defenses. I message my enemies trying to negotiate tributes instead of full frontal attacks. My husband calls me to say hi and I shriek " I'm being raided by Romans!" He is very sympathetic.
I did my first raid today and killed my troop in the process. I'm beginning to suspect that I may need to join a nerd 12 step. My god, I'm still in my pajamas and it is lunch time. There is no time to do laundry I have to upgrade my iron mines!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Happiness isn't a Destination
Happiness next exit. Not! Happiness isn't a destination it is the occasional wind that fills your sails. Refusing to be happy is like refusing to tack your boat to catch the wind. Sometimes you line up with it and the ride is exhilarating. Sometimes you just can't seem to trim your sails right and it passes you by or worse, is so powerful that it overwhelms you.
He who as never been overwhelmed by happiness has not been reclining in the grass when a litter of golden retriever puppies attempts to lick your ears to pieces. You can be overwhelmed by happiness.I was, at a chocolate buffet once. My knees buckled at the sight.I once made sweet and sour lemon chicken for my son. He was overwhelmed by happiness. It isn't often you see a 17 year old boy squeal and hop up and down.
I guess I spent most of my life trying to hunt down and kill Happiness so I could nail it like a trophy to my wall and have it forever. I kept thinking of happiness as a concrete thing that , once trapped, could be held on to. I'm beginning to realize that happiness is an emotional energy.
Now if I can just figure out how to trim the sails I could enjoy this ride even more...
He who as never been overwhelmed by happiness has not been reclining in the grass when a litter of golden retriever puppies attempts to lick your ears to pieces. You can be overwhelmed by happiness.I was, at a chocolate buffet once. My knees buckled at the sight.I once made sweet and sour lemon chicken for my son. He was overwhelmed by happiness. It isn't often you see a 17 year old boy squeal and hop up and down.
I guess I spent most of my life trying to hunt down and kill Happiness so I could nail it like a trophy to my wall and have it forever. I kept thinking of happiness as a concrete thing that , once trapped, could be held on to. I'm beginning to realize that happiness is an emotional energy.
Now if I can just figure out how to trim the sails I could enjoy this ride even more...
Coconut Water and Spoonme
I'm watching the freezing drizzle fall on the dead brown grass and I want coconut water. I want to drink it from a green coconut that is still warm from the sun. At 12 years old I could whip a machete with surprising accuracy across the sweet spot of the coconut to expose the fountain of youth inside.
Drinking that slightly sweet nutty water made me feel invincible. Nothing I know quenches the thirst better. I think part of the satisfaction of a good swallow of coconut water is how hard you have to work to get it. Coconut trees don't yield their green nuts easily. If you manage to make it up the trunk and actually grab one you have to spin it around a hundred times before it twists off. ( I know I could have taken the machete to hack them off but I wasn't allowed to wield a machete to the state park where all the good coconut trees are.)
The water inside isn't the best part. The spoonme is. Clinging inside the shell of a green coconut is the soft creamy, flesh that tastes like coconut custard. You scrape it out with a spoon. It is what I believe angles to dine on in heaven. It is a sweet and yummy as a baby kiss. In fact, it is often the first food a Hawaiian mother feeds her infant, it is so nutritious.
I want that right now. I want to taste my childhood in the Hawaiian islands. I want run bare footed with a green coconut under each arm across the seawall all the way back home.
Drinking that slightly sweet nutty water made me feel invincible. Nothing I know quenches the thirst better. I think part of the satisfaction of a good swallow of coconut water is how hard you have to work to get it. Coconut trees don't yield their green nuts easily. If you manage to make it up the trunk and actually grab one you have to spin it around a hundred times before it twists off. ( I know I could have taken the machete to hack them off but I wasn't allowed to wield a machete to the state park where all the good coconut trees are.)
The water inside isn't the best part. The spoonme is. Clinging inside the shell of a green coconut is the soft creamy, flesh that tastes like coconut custard. You scrape it out with a spoon. It is what I believe angles to dine on in heaven. It is a sweet and yummy as a baby kiss. In fact, it is often the first food a Hawaiian mother feeds her infant, it is so nutritious.
I want that right now. I want to taste my childhood in the Hawaiian islands. I want run bare footed with a green coconut under each arm across the seawall all the way back home.
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