It was about an hour into a supposed 20 minute mountain bike ride that I began to wonder if this trail would ever end. Half the time I was off the bike pushing it uphill sweating and breathing hard. The other half of the time I was hurtling down the sides of cliffs white knuckling it with the bike rattling down rocky steps of the rutted and worn path.
I was grateful at least for that, the path was pretty clear, well not so clear that I was reaching the 1 and a half hour time mark on this 20 minute loop trail. I was actually passed by twice by the same cyclist at that point. I couldn't believe he lapped me and told him so.
He was a real mountain biker with the matching spandex outfit, camel back hydration unit on his back and special super shock absorber bicycle. He said he realized that I was way out of my league on that trail and came by to check up on me ( more like identify the body so he could tell the Ranger what mesa I fell off of.)
His other companions asked if I needed anything and I said I was fine. They were genuinely concerned. They encouraged me and said I was halfway there. HALFWAY!?
No longer playfully stopping to take pictures of butterflies and flowers I began to panic. I had two sips of water left and I was in over my head. I'm sure the city bike and the yoga pants were a dead giveaway. I mustered and continued my now grueling journey onward. Perhaps I should say upward.
While the valley plunges were exhilarating with bone rattling ferocity, the uphill climbs were a hot messy drain.The authentic cyclists peddled upward along the twisting path like spandex clad gladiators leaving me in their superior dust. I barely managed to push the bike up a foot at a time, breathing heavy and sweating.
Sweating was good right?! I mean you aren't supposed to panic until you stop sweating. Jeez, I hope I don't have to end up in some gross survival situation where I have to drink my pee. It was at that deliriously exhausted moment that I secretly hoped a snake would bite me and kill me before I had to drink pee.
I was alone now, not even the faint trace of dust in the air from the other bikers to keep me company. I was peddling so slowly that the butterflies were mocking me by flying circles through the spokes and laughing. I guess I wasn't entirely alone if you count the butterflies...and the buzzards!? Are you kidding me! F#cking buzzards doing areal reconacence on me as I gasped my way along this grossly under marked biking trail.
I'm still moving you rude bastards! I yelled at the buzzards. OK, I'm not really moving but I am resting and breathing! I shook my fists at them and said REALLY?! I kept my sense of humor by thinking of all the survival stuff I could like drinking pee, eating bugs ( yeah, not so cocky now you little punk butterflies.)
About this time I was out of water and sure my hubby was getting scared. I was getting scared. I couldn't see the other cyclists and began to wonder if I had taken some weird path and would end up in another county. I was frustrated at myself for pushing onward when I should have gone back maybe. ( However, being at the halfway point I did want to see the rest of the trail.) Stupid, stupid. I could feel the almost hot tears stinging. My legs ached and the prospect of the survival pee drink was looming as a reality.
Before I could feel sorry for myself I heard a small child crying. Out here in the dessert with only my entourage of hopeful buzzards and my dusty yoga pants and my hurt ego I hear a child crying. I never thought that I would be relieved at this sound but I was. Where there is a child there is sure to be parents, a mini van and perhaps even some water!
God bless that little family. They shared their water and the little boy patted my bike in admiration. They were nearly run over by the super bikers before me. He had been crying because he wanted to say hi to me when he saw me on the other side of the canyon. ( I had take too long to get to them.) I admitted I wanted to cry too. They pointed me in the right direction and I was buoyed up by their kindness to trundle on.
Another 30 minutes of crawling uphill and careening down limestone death stretches of path to go. I picked my way through a twisted shady forest so cool and enchanted I almost forgot how scared I was. I knew I was getting closer to camp. My butt hurt, not from the spine shattering clatter of uneven ground beneath the bike but from my constant clenching whenever I came up to a hair pin curve with a gut sinking drop off cliff.
I felt lucky though. I fell only once and in the grass not the copious cactus. As I pitched over and landed in a sweaty heap I merely said to myself " There you go." I wasn't sorry for myself just amused and tired. A borderline dehydrated out of body experience, I felt like I was watching myself in a really cheap survival movie.
Nearly there and the trail got worse. Steeper, more gravel, sharper turns, random cactus that reached out to grab at your ankles, so evil. I know somebody wrecked 'cause I saw the scrape marks, the skid and the impact in the cactus. This I avoided myself by humbly getting off the bike and walking it along.
I was still in tact. People had been kind to me. The bike was in great shape. Lots of air in the tires. The day was fair and not too hot. I captured several cool pictures on my phone from the adventure. I crested the highest peak and was hit by a glorious view and soughing breeze. Best of all I had phone reception! I fired off a few positive and comforting messages to my husband. He would surly get them when he drove up to the Rangers station to report me missing.
When we finally met back up his distress and concern was as palpable as a sauna. He said very little and held me. We have a new rule in the family now. 10 minutes out and 10 minutes back. No matter where I am I must go back at that time. Poor man he married a fool. A lucky fool!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Fishing for Fun
Finally! Today after a year of talking about it, fantasizing about it and occasionally watching boring fishing shows on TV, I bought my very first fishing rod and reel.
I have been fishing before, with other peoples gear and even accidentally caught a Bass by the fin as it was swimming by. I also had my own Hawaiian sling when I still lived in the islands. I got one for me and one for my son so I could teach him how to spear fish.
It was a Mom thing at the time, I wanted to make sure he could catch fish and feed himself in the future. Primal but true.
This time I was buying a Caucasian style fishing pole to fish for fun. For Fun! What a concept. fishing was for dinner, plain and simple where I grew up. Now as I looked about me for entertainment I decided I should learn to fish with a pole. ( Those lakes I go camping at are to muddy to see in anyways so the spear wouldn't work.)
What I really wanted was a pink Barbie pole and tackle set like they have around Christmas time. Alas, there was only Spiderman and Hubby in his wisdom steered me toward a rod/reel set up with tackle kit and instructions on the back.
Armed with my new found treasure I waited at the Walmart customer service desk to get a fishing license...Fast forward another 30 minutes trying to track down someone in the sporting goods department and I had my permission slip from the government of Oklahoma to kill fish for a year!
Now I am going to practice casting from the couch in the TV room and wait for the next camping trip.
Hubby asked me what I was going to do with the fish if I caught it? I said I was gonna eat it! Hell yes I'm going to eat it. I will probably catch and release anything too small to eat but I was raised running on the beach after crabs and fishing with a spear and net to have dinner and I just can't seem to give that up.
I have been fishing before, with other peoples gear and even accidentally caught a Bass by the fin as it was swimming by. I also had my own Hawaiian sling when I still lived in the islands. I got one for me and one for my son so I could teach him how to spear fish.
It was a Mom thing at the time, I wanted to make sure he could catch fish and feed himself in the future. Primal but true.
This time I was buying a Caucasian style fishing pole to fish for fun. For Fun! What a concept. fishing was for dinner, plain and simple where I grew up. Now as I looked about me for entertainment I decided I should learn to fish with a pole. ( Those lakes I go camping at are to muddy to see in anyways so the spear wouldn't work.)
What I really wanted was a pink Barbie pole and tackle set like they have around Christmas time. Alas, there was only Spiderman and Hubby in his wisdom steered me toward a rod/reel set up with tackle kit and instructions on the back.
Armed with my new found treasure I waited at the Walmart customer service desk to get a fishing license...Fast forward another 30 minutes trying to track down someone in the sporting goods department and I had my permission slip from the government of Oklahoma to kill fish for a year!
Now I am going to practice casting from the couch in the TV room and wait for the next camping trip.
Hubby asked me what I was going to do with the fish if I caught it? I said I was gonna eat it! Hell yes I'm going to eat it. I will probably catch and release anything too small to eat but I was raised running on the beach after crabs and fishing with a spear and net to have dinner and I just can't seem to give that up.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Mid Winter Still Gardening
Some people are blessed with really mild temperate weather and can garden all year. Normally that isn't the case in Oklahoma. I have a 3mil piece of plastic draped over a cage made of chicken wire that is held in place with bricks at the bottom and clothes pins near the top. In it I am still growing and harvesting lettuce. My ghetto green house is so fun. I even have a few shy radishes coming up in it the relative warmth of the plastic covered "cold frame."
Hidden under a few inches of pine needles I have leeks and garlic. The sage and parsley is still hanging tough too. If I had known that the Winter was going to be so mild I would have planted more! However, the whiplash temperatures and wild changeable jet stream may foil me yet.
The Farmer's Almanac is predicting ice storms in my future. Yikes.
The final wonder is actually in the sun-room. A single triumphant bell pepper plant, complete with bell pepper is growing in it's own personal eternal Summer. I fawn over it constantly. It is fun to have something fruiting now. It feeds my nurturing personality to have something to grow and look after. Likewise, I grieve when a plant finally withers and dies. For now I have lettuce fresh from the garden and soon a single bell pepper to munch.
Hidden under a few inches of pine needles I have leeks and garlic. The sage and parsley is still hanging tough too. If I had known that the Winter was going to be so mild I would have planted more! However, the whiplash temperatures and wild changeable jet stream may foil me yet.
The Farmer's Almanac is predicting ice storms in my future. Yikes.
The final wonder is actually in the sun-room. A single triumphant bell pepper plant, complete with bell pepper is growing in it's own personal eternal Summer. I fawn over it constantly. It is fun to have something fruiting now. It feeds my nurturing personality to have something to grow and look after. Likewise, I grieve when a plant finally withers and dies. For now I have lettuce fresh from the garden and soon a single bell pepper to munch.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
How to Survive the Apocalypse
Let's pretend that Hollywood was right and the Apocalypse messed everything up and you are left to fend for yourself. Would you be able to thrive in the aftermath of Armageddon? I have several possible game plans for my survival and I share them with you.
1. Go Hillbilly. In this scenario I learn how to make a Still and produce Moonshine for fun and profit. I also have a great deal of guns and ammo to defend this asset. I figure on trading booze for whatever else I may want or need.
2. Go underground. I become a tunnel dweller to avoid any trace radiation on the surface. The tunnels provide protection from the raging weather up top. Of course I'll also need 5 years of supplies in these mythic tunnels and some form of power to grow my underground garden. It seems like a lot of work in preparation so that Still idea is looking better and better.
3. Stockpile Fudge Brownie mix. I believe brownies will become the currency of the future. Nuff said.
4. Throw myself of the mercy of the Amish.
5. Join a Mad Max type hooligan gang and raid the surrounding survival shelters. Oh, what?! Like you wouldn't if you were starving and there was no law but survival of the fittest? Don't judge me...
6. Open a cannibal B-B-Q joint. The other, other white meat. Just kidding, I'd never admit to cooking a human, for all you know it tastes like chicken!
7. Join a cult, for the free snacks.
8. Start a cult, for the free labor.
9. Migrate to the radiation free zone and grow vegetables. Time consuming but eventually sustainable.
10. Thank the heavens that this will probably never ever happen. I love you all.
1. Go Hillbilly. In this scenario I learn how to make a Still and produce Moonshine for fun and profit. I also have a great deal of guns and ammo to defend this asset. I figure on trading booze for whatever else I may want or need.
2. Go underground. I become a tunnel dweller to avoid any trace radiation on the surface. The tunnels provide protection from the raging weather up top. Of course I'll also need 5 years of supplies in these mythic tunnels and some form of power to grow my underground garden. It seems like a lot of work in preparation so that Still idea is looking better and better.
3. Stockpile Fudge Brownie mix. I believe brownies will become the currency of the future. Nuff said.
4. Throw myself of the mercy of the Amish.
5. Join a Mad Max type hooligan gang and raid the surrounding survival shelters. Oh, what?! Like you wouldn't if you were starving and there was no law but survival of the fittest? Don't judge me...
6. Open a cannibal B-B-Q joint. The other, other white meat. Just kidding, I'd never admit to cooking a human, for all you know it tastes like chicken!
7. Join a cult, for the free snacks.
8. Start a cult, for the free labor.
9. Migrate to the radiation free zone and grow vegetables. Time consuming but eventually sustainable.
10. Thank the heavens that this will probably never ever happen. I love you all.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Spineless Political Pussies and the Bullies that vote for them
A bunch of political pussies, that's what is crawling around in Washington. Sure we voted for them and shook ours fists and demanded change to fix the economy and bring transparency to the financial sector. Then we all freaked out and whined about losing our entitlements of medicare and the threat of higher taxes. *sigh*
Puerto Rico climbed out of the bankruptcy hole by slashing pay to government and firing a lot of government workers, ending entitlements and raising taxes. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and gut it out. Sometimes people have to go jobless and fend for themselves. Sure there were riots in the streets and the govenor was hated, but he pulled them out of the black hole of bankruptcy and rejuvenated the economy.
Nobody likes having free stuff taken from them. Nor do they want to loose benefits that they were counting on. Still it has to be done or you are going to lose it all anyways. I'd rather have a heads up and a game plan.
Puerto Rico climbed out of the bankruptcy hole by slashing pay to government and firing a lot of government workers, ending entitlements and raising taxes. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and gut it out. Sometimes people have to go jobless and fend for themselves. Sure there were riots in the streets and the govenor was hated, but he pulled them out of the black hole of bankruptcy and rejuvenated the economy.
Nobody likes having free stuff taken from them. Nor do they want to loose benefits that they were counting on. Still it has to be done or you are going to lose it all anyways. I'd rather have a heads up and a game plan.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Paranoids guide to the end of the world ( as we know it...)
I call myself a Prepper. I'm not a real hard core Prepper that is waiting and trembling for the end of the world. I'm just a fluffy Prepper; into it for the fun and trendiness of it. What is a Prepper you may ask?
I enjoy preparing myself for any kind of major disaster. You can find a lot of real Preppers on YouTube. I like to watch their videos and learn survival skills and gardening tips. Mostly cool gardening tips. Perhaps, like me you wonder why preparing for the worst case scenario has become so popular again. I say again, because it was also pretty trendy around Y2K. ( that was a no show.) I have composed a list of things that people today are terrified of in order to explain the Prepper mania.
Plausible-
Nuclear Attack- There are still some nukes floating around and also some developing counties that are making em, could happen.
Floods- They are kind of a regional problem but, yeah I'll buy that they could seriously ruin your month.
Earthquakes- Yup, I believe that they are indeed plausible.
Civil Unrest and Mob Rule- Pick any country and I'll show you a mob of people protesting. Think it can't happen? Tea Party and Occupy movements are growing in popularity.
Sorta, Maybe-
Pandemic- I know lots of people that don't wash their hands and like to sneeze openly into a crowd. Toddlers are the worst. Also humanity has the ability to travel anywhere as fast a jet will go. It just takes one sick person to inoculate an airplane of disease carriers.
Mega Tsunami- I'm on the fence about this one. You would have to be in a low lying area relatively near the coast to have this mess up your life. However, a Mega tsunami that wiped out a major agricultural area could cause famine later and we'd all feel the pain then.
Global Ice Age- Maybe, I almost feel that we could work around this, but it would be mighty inconvenient and major populations would have to relocate or perish.
Solar radiation burst- If it could happen ( that's a big if) It would only affect the half of the planet that was facing it. Well, unless it was continuously spewing gamma radiation over a long period of time, then we'd all have to rethink our current reality paradigms.
Off the Charts Crazy and improbable-
Intelligent Robot take over and or nano technology revolution against humanity- I'm not really worried. The nerds and hackers will save us.
Space Alien Invasion- Bring it! I'd like to see them try.
Zombie Apocalypse- I think that the undead zombies get a really bad rap. I went to high school with a few zombies and they were totally mellow. Sure they seemed to skip the first class after lunch period to smoke weed a lot but they never ate anyone's brains that I knew of.
I probably missed a few other really choice reasons to be terrified, asteroids, pole shifts, gremlins and such. At least now you get the gist. I think my next installment will be my secrets to surviving after Armageddon.
I enjoy preparing myself for any kind of major disaster. You can find a lot of real Preppers on YouTube. I like to watch their videos and learn survival skills and gardening tips. Mostly cool gardening tips. Perhaps, like me you wonder why preparing for the worst case scenario has become so popular again. I say again, because it was also pretty trendy around Y2K. ( that was a no show.) I have composed a list of things that people today are terrified of in order to explain the Prepper mania.
Plausible-
Nuclear Attack- There are still some nukes floating around and also some developing counties that are making em, could happen.
Floods- They are kind of a regional problem but, yeah I'll buy that they could seriously ruin your month.
Earthquakes- Yup, I believe that they are indeed plausible.
Civil Unrest and Mob Rule- Pick any country and I'll show you a mob of people protesting. Think it can't happen? Tea Party and Occupy movements are growing in popularity.
Sorta, Maybe-
Pandemic- I know lots of people that don't wash their hands and like to sneeze openly into a crowd. Toddlers are the worst. Also humanity has the ability to travel anywhere as fast a jet will go. It just takes one sick person to inoculate an airplane of disease carriers.
Mega Tsunami- I'm on the fence about this one. You would have to be in a low lying area relatively near the coast to have this mess up your life. However, a Mega tsunami that wiped out a major agricultural area could cause famine later and we'd all feel the pain then.
Global Ice Age- Maybe, I almost feel that we could work around this, but it would be mighty inconvenient and major populations would have to relocate or perish.
Solar radiation burst- If it could happen ( that's a big if) It would only affect the half of the planet that was facing it. Well, unless it was continuously spewing gamma radiation over a long period of time, then we'd all have to rethink our current reality paradigms.
Off the Charts Crazy and improbable-
Intelligent Robot take over and or nano technology revolution against humanity- I'm not really worried. The nerds and hackers will save us.
Space Alien Invasion- Bring it! I'd like to see them try.
Zombie Apocalypse- I think that the undead zombies get a really bad rap. I went to high school with a few zombies and they were totally mellow. Sure they seemed to skip the first class after lunch period to smoke weed a lot but they never ate anyone's brains that I knew of.
I probably missed a few other really choice reasons to be terrified, asteroids, pole shifts, gremlins and such. At least now you get the gist. I think my next installment will be my secrets to surviving after Armageddon.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Finally a break in the Epic Heat!
You know it has been relentlessly hot when 98 degrees is a treat. Remember that brilliant idea I had to create a stay-cation in the back yard by erecting the big blue above ground pool? It really isn't that refreshing to take a dip when the air is 108 and the pool temp is 102 degrees Fahrenheit. It is more like a mild form of endurance testing or cruelty.
I did it though. I had to get in to change the filter anyway. I gingerly dipped my backside in the sweltering , near boiling pool like I was easing into a too hot bath. I did a couple of laps and decided it might be a good idea to get out before I lost consciousness.
Then it finally happened. The historical heat wave broke and the temperature dropped to a delicious mid eighties. Birds were singing, cattle were frolicking and people took walks again around the neighborhood. Each one one waving at the passers by and laughing. Life was wonderful again.
Inspired by the relief in the temperatures, Hubby and I planned a long awaited camping trip in the Pop Up. Yay! I'm doing it totally relaxed this time. No more military lists of meal plans and regimented activities. I'm just throwing everything in the cooler and packing lots of booze. If we run short than we'll go shopping or make due. What? Don't like scrambled eggs for breakfast lunch and dinner, well, have more wine and it will seem almost charming.
I did it though. I had to get in to change the filter anyway. I gingerly dipped my backside in the sweltering , near boiling pool like I was easing into a too hot bath. I did a couple of laps and decided it might be a good idea to get out before I lost consciousness.
Then it finally happened. The historical heat wave broke and the temperature dropped to a delicious mid eighties. Birds were singing, cattle were frolicking and people took walks again around the neighborhood. Each one one waving at the passers by and laughing. Life was wonderful again.
Inspired by the relief in the temperatures, Hubby and I planned a long awaited camping trip in the Pop Up. Yay! I'm doing it totally relaxed this time. No more military lists of meal plans and regimented activities. I'm just throwing everything in the cooler and packing lots of booze. If we run short than we'll go shopping or make due. What? Don't like scrambled eggs for breakfast lunch and dinner, well, have more wine and it will seem almost charming.
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