I made strawberry jam today. It is my husband's favorite and the berries at the market were gorgeous. I feel like a mad scientist when I make jelly and jam. I have special pots and jars, lids, collars, tools and sterile cloths lined up like little soldiers before I begin the process. The kitchen has to be spotless for me to do the whole canning show, not because I'm fastidious, but because I'm so easily distracted I need the visual space to think it all through.
Some people prefer to strain the jelly juice so there is no seeds and just a lovely jewel toned product at the end. I like the pieces of fruit and the seed. The seeds remind me of little stars hanging in a ruby sky. Now the whole house and my hair,even the poodle all smell of strawberries; sweet and summery and mouth wateringly delicious.
One of the most beautiful sounds to my ears is the sharp metallic ping of a jelly jar sealing after being lifted from the canner. That soft plink fills my whole soul with a feeling of well being and contentment. I am overly proud of my jellies and jams. I've tasted better and seen prettier, but because it is done by my hand I love it. There is a comfort and power in being able to capture Summer in a jar.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Trouble in Redneck Paradise
After unpacking and setting up the above ground pool I wondered how I would enjoy it because the water was freezing. That is no longer a problem. Day upon record breaking day of triple digit heat has kept the pool at a sweltering 100 degrees. No joke! Not the cool refreshing dip I envisioned but a wonderful extra large Jacuzzi.
The regular maintenance of the pool requires me to actually get in it to cover the pump vents in order to change out the filter every 2 weeks. I'll admit I had to stand there to get used to the heat for a few moments. Then I carefully dipped the rest of my body in like a bather trying to get in a too hot bath. I know for a fact it had hit 100 degrees in the pool because I had slipped the old Jacuzzi thermometer in there to monitor it.
Really the best time for a dip is in the early morning. It sucks that I'm not a morning person. The only other mishap with the pool remains a mystery. One morning we noticed that the pool was half empty. Somehow it had been tipped by a freak wind or collapsed by a random punk teen or molested by alien space ships and dumped out half the volume of water.
This was fantastic for the surrounding lawn but has left the pool with a strange lopsided lean in a Southerly direction. No matter I filled it back up as best I could with the wonky inflatable lip. I still swim in a circle despite the heat. In fact I think the hot water helps my sore back in the evenings. Bonus!
Ok, it isn't a waterfall tropical pool in the rain forest or a crisp mountain lake, it's a vinyl pool that feels more like a hot tub tucked in the midst of cedar trees in my back yard. Despite the record heat wave and drought conditions this is my self made paradise. Sure we got a few troubles but we make the best of it and squeeze out all the fun we can with what we got.
The regular maintenance of the pool requires me to actually get in it to cover the pump vents in order to change out the filter every 2 weeks. I'll admit I had to stand there to get used to the heat for a few moments. Then I carefully dipped the rest of my body in like a bather trying to get in a too hot bath. I know for a fact it had hit 100 degrees in the pool because I had slipped the old Jacuzzi thermometer in there to monitor it.
Really the best time for a dip is in the early morning. It sucks that I'm not a morning person. The only other mishap with the pool remains a mystery. One morning we noticed that the pool was half empty. Somehow it had been tipped by a freak wind or collapsed by a random punk teen or molested by alien space ships and dumped out half the volume of water.
This was fantastic for the surrounding lawn but has left the pool with a strange lopsided lean in a Southerly direction. No matter I filled it back up as best I could with the wonky inflatable lip. I still swim in a circle despite the heat. In fact I think the hot water helps my sore back in the evenings. Bonus!
Ok, it isn't a waterfall tropical pool in the rain forest or a crisp mountain lake, it's a vinyl pool that feels more like a hot tub tucked in the midst of cedar trees in my back yard. Despite the record heat wave and drought conditions this is my self made paradise. Sure we got a few troubles but we make the best of it and squeeze out all the fun we can with what we got.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Goodbye Stinkbugs, Hello Cucumber Beetles
The bane of my gardening existence has been the armies of stinkbugs that chew and suck the life out of my lovely garden plants. However, this year they have been a no show. (pause) Instead, I have been visited with a plague of Cucumber Beetles. They are actually very pretty as beetles go. A cheerful bright yellow with polka dots of black or shiny yellow with black racing stripes along their little bodies seems harmless enough. Harmless as an evil clown!
After hitting the Google and learning all I could about these insidious insects I have discovered that they live in the soil all Winter and come back year after year in greater numbers! Horrors! I must now choose some method of defense against them to try and salvage my glorious pumpkin vine and tender tomato plants.
It has been a tough year already for the garden with the record heat. 102 degrees day after day has caused my tomato flowers to refuse to drop pollen. Tomato production is down to a mere 8 tomatoes from 2 otherwise healthy plants. So I shade the tomato plants and mist them in an effort to cool them down, as well as, hand pollinate.
Did I mention that this year the bees have given up on my neighbor hood? Even the bee keeper next door is short on hives to take out to the fields. Then there is the drought, the scorching winds and the punk rabbits that like to eat anything that isn't caged up.
Really, this garden is a labor of love and or torture depending on how bad the odds are stacked against it. Then there are the Cucumber Beetles. The hellish evil clowns of the insect world. Here are my organic choices to keep them at bay.
1. Catch them with my hands and squish them. (gross)
2. Place tangle foot sticky traps around the plants to try and catch them. (difficult with the high winds here )
3. Spray with organic insecticides like Neem, 3in 1, and multi insect spray. (wow, expensive)
4. Dust with special powder. (can cause plant to die)
5. Rip out plants, burn them and scorch the earth, never to plant again. ( I can buy organic produce at the market...)
At this point I have one viable pumpkin growing on the vine. I inspect it and faun over it daily. I will have to plant with broccoli and radish, perhaps nasturtiums next year to remove and repel the Beetles and their yucky bacteria.
Who knows what battles I will have to fight next year. (shudders at the thought)
After hitting the Google and learning all I could about these insidious insects I have discovered that they live in the soil all Winter and come back year after year in greater numbers! Horrors! I must now choose some method of defense against them to try and salvage my glorious pumpkin vine and tender tomato plants.
It has been a tough year already for the garden with the record heat. 102 degrees day after day has caused my tomato flowers to refuse to drop pollen. Tomato production is down to a mere 8 tomatoes from 2 otherwise healthy plants. So I shade the tomato plants and mist them in an effort to cool them down, as well as, hand pollinate.
Did I mention that this year the bees have given up on my neighbor hood? Even the bee keeper next door is short on hives to take out to the fields. Then there is the drought, the scorching winds and the punk rabbits that like to eat anything that isn't caged up.
Really, this garden is a labor of love and or torture depending on how bad the odds are stacked against it. Then there are the Cucumber Beetles. The hellish evil clowns of the insect world. Here are my organic choices to keep them at bay.
1. Catch them with my hands and squish them. (gross)
2. Place tangle foot sticky traps around the plants to try and catch them. (difficult with the high winds here )
3. Spray with organic insecticides like Neem, 3in 1, and multi insect spray. (wow, expensive)
4. Dust with special powder. (can cause plant to die)
5. Rip out plants, burn them and scorch the earth, never to plant again. ( I can buy organic produce at the market...)
At this point I have one viable pumpkin growing on the vine. I inspect it and faun over it daily. I will have to plant with broccoli and radish, perhaps nasturtiums next year to remove and repel the Beetles and their yucky bacteria.
Who knows what battles I will have to fight next year. (shudders at the thought)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Stuff I Like for Summer
Yay! Summer heat, sunshine and more skin after a long bone chilling bleak Winter. Move over Oprah, here are my favorite things for Summer. My Summer must haves and wants for all to enjoy and desire.
Above ground pool. Awesome, easy blow up ring, fill with water and chemicals plug in the pump and you have paradise in your back yard. Already have a pool? Then do get the inflatable floaty with the high back and cup holder. Also awesome.
Open weave straw cowboy hat with chin strap. The open weave lets the air flow through and you get shade from the brim. The chin strap really isn't all that attractive but it keeps it on my head when I mow on windy days.
Parasol. No joke. An honest to god parasol or light colored umbrella for shade. Yeah, people laugh and stare at first then they just envy you while they stand all sweaty and hot in the blazing sun. I'm prone to heat stroke so the relief of a little portable shade is wonderful.
Fancy lace evening shawl. I like to wrap a lace evening shawl around my hips like a sarong when I wear a swim suit. The fringe is sexy and it makes a statement. Something a little extra instead of the same old over sized T-shirt or terrycloth cover up.
Home made ice tea with fresh mint. No explanation necessary.
Above ground pool. Awesome, easy blow up ring, fill with water and chemicals plug in the pump and you have paradise in your back yard. Already have a pool? Then do get the inflatable floaty with the high back and cup holder. Also awesome.
Open weave straw cowboy hat with chin strap. The open weave lets the air flow through and you get shade from the brim. The chin strap really isn't all that attractive but it keeps it on my head when I mow on windy days.
Parasol. No joke. An honest to god parasol or light colored umbrella for shade. Yeah, people laugh and stare at first then they just envy you while they stand all sweaty and hot in the blazing sun. I'm prone to heat stroke so the relief of a little portable shade is wonderful.
Fancy lace evening shawl. I like to wrap a lace evening shawl around my hips like a sarong when I wear a swim suit. The fringe is sexy and it makes a statement. Something a little extra instead of the same old over sized T-shirt or terrycloth cover up.
Home made ice tea with fresh mint. No explanation necessary.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
He has good insurance and I'm still cute
I had one of those mornings where I felt like I should be on high alert. Sure enough the humid swirling winds and the weather alerts were converging to make for a tornado possible day. We live like this here in tornado alley. You just plan your day around where you are going to hide if they form.
We did everything we needed to in the city before the day really heated up. My husband seemed almost disappointed when the weather seemed to just stay ominous and black. I was half hopeful it would be nothing. I was wrong.
While sauteing up some onions , peppers and mushrooms to top the hoagies I made, the sirens shrieked out. I clicked off the stove, grabbed my purse and the dog and scampered down into the storm cellar. That is what rational, clear thinking, sensible people do in tornado alley. Not my husband.
Apparently he is smarter and faster than any tornado. While I hauled myself and poodle underground he dashed outside with the camera. In a moment of testosterone fueled whatthefuckery, he went outside to try and get a photo op with a tornado.
The moments ticked by and the wind outside got more violent, the thunder booms became one continuous churning roll and the volleys of hail more intense against the garage door (our storm shelter is in the garage.) Still no husband. The poodle cowered on my lap and I don't know who was shaking more the dog or myself.
The power went off and with just the small flashlight I waited....no husband. My blood pressure began escalating. My thoughts briefly light on the fact that some tornado deaths are from strokes caused by fear and stress. Then the lights come on again.
"Hey you want some light?" He said cheerfully down the cellar hole. "Is it over?" I asked, hearing my voice break and quaver like a small frightened child. " Yeah, I watched it on TV while I ate my hoagie." He replied.
I sat very close to him on the couch after crawling out of the storm cellar, still shook up and nervous. He thought it would be really fun to take my blood pressure and then his to see who was worse. Mine was elevated but his beats were faster.
It is times like these I'm glad he has good insurance and I'm still cute.
We did everything we needed to in the city before the day really heated up. My husband seemed almost disappointed when the weather seemed to just stay ominous and black. I was half hopeful it would be nothing. I was wrong.
While sauteing up some onions , peppers and mushrooms to top the hoagies I made, the sirens shrieked out. I clicked off the stove, grabbed my purse and the dog and scampered down into the storm cellar. That is what rational, clear thinking, sensible people do in tornado alley. Not my husband.
Apparently he is smarter and faster than any tornado. While I hauled myself and poodle underground he dashed outside with the camera. In a moment of testosterone fueled whatthefuckery, he went outside to try and get a photo op with a tornado.
The moments ticked by and the wind outside got more violent, the thunder booms became one continuous churning roll and the volleys of hail more intense against the garage door (our storm shelter is in the garage.) Still no husband. The poodle cowered on my lap and I don't know who was shaking more the dog or myself.
The power went off and with just the small flashlight I waited....no husband. My blood pressure began escalating. My thoughts briefly light on the fact that some tornado deaths are from strokes caused by fear and stress. Then the lights come on again.
"Hey you want some light?" He said cheerfully down the cellar hole. "Is it over?" I asked, hearing my voice break and quaver like a small frightened child. " Yeah, I watched it on TV while I ate my hoagie." He replied.
I sat very close to him on the couch after crawling out of the storm cellar, still shook up and nervous. He thought it would be really fun to take my blood pressure and then his to see who was worse. Mine was elevated but his beats were faster.
It is times like these I'm glad he has good insurance and I'm still cute.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Magic button
I was doing something really important online (playing online games) when my husband asked me to do him a favor.
Could you sew this button on tighter to these shorts? He asked handing me the shorts.
No. I said. Much to his surprise.
What?! he asked with one eyebrow raised in disapproval and mirth.
You need to buy bigger pants. It isn't a magic button. Sewing it back isn't going to counteract a lifetime of bad choices. I said (while ducking out of reach from the tickling that would be sure to follow for my insolence.)
I wont be baking anymore cookies for you woman! ( The ultimate punishment)
Fine. I said. However, I did sew his button on. (Thus salvaging my cookie privileges.)
Oh thanks hun. He replied and thoughtfully said to the air. Maybe I should eat less cookies too.
Could you sew this button on tighter to these shorts? He asked handing me the shorts.
No. I said. Much to his surprise.
What?! he asked with one eyebrow raised in disapproval and mirth.
You need to buy bigger pants. It isn't a magic button. Sewing it back isn't going to counteract a lifetime of bad choices. I said (while ducking out of reach from the tickling that would be sure to follow for my insolence.)
I wont be baking anymore cookies for you woman! ( The ultimate punishment)
Fine. I said. However, I did sew his button on. (Thus salvaging my cookie privileges.)
Oh thanks hun. He replied and thoughtfully said to the air. Maybe I should eat less cookies too.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Dreaded Mother's Day
Somewhere in the world there really is a Norman Rockwell family with rosy cheeks gathering around a perfectly coiffed Mom, giving her delightful hand made gifts and breakfast in bed. And everywhere else are a bunch of bitter Mothers who never did get the star treatment they were deluded into expecting come Mothers Day.
Hallmark card commercials and constant barrages of ads for expensive jewelry and flowers raise the sense of entitlement even more. Worse still the pathetic hope that most overworked and underloved Moms harbor on the one day they are supposed to have off. One day...One frikin' day is supposed to make up for the neglect and disappointment that real life has dished out to you because you have a fully functioning vagina. What a gyp.
There ought to be a law that Moms get a mother's weekend every week. I think women in general would be happier and less apt to be bummed out about the weak effort that Mothers Day really is. Moms worldwide would be so content and relaxed that wars would end and all tensions in the universe would recede.
Hallmark card commercials and constant barrages of ads for expensive jewelry and flowers raise the sense of entitlement even more. Worse still the pathetic hope that most overworked and underloved Moms harbor on the one day they are supposed to have off. One day...One frikin' day is supposed to make up for the neglect and disappointment that real life has dished out to you because you have a fully functioning vagina. What a gyp.
There ought to be a law that Moms get a mother's weekend every week. I think women in general would be happier and less apt to be bummed out about the weak effort that Mothers Day really is. Moms worldwide would be so content and relaxed that wars would end and all tensions in the universe would recede.
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